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October 30, 2020

Lifestyle

Millennial Dating in a politically charged environment (cont.)

Photo Credit: www.instagram.com/_law92

Pained by the end of his entanglement with Elle, Dom resorted to his tried-and-true remedy for dealing with love lost: blasting a hella amount of Future Hndrxx from his Amazon Echo.

To Elle, Future’s music was the unofficial soundtrack for men voted Most Likely To Get MeToo’d. But for Dom, Future perfectly captures the mental music of heartbreak by composing divine melodies for assuaging pain. Starting with “Throw Away”, Dom began to come to terms with the break from Elle. After 2 hours, 12 beers and 20 songs, Dom ended his impromptu
concert with Hndrxx’s uplifting track “Comin Out Strong.” Dom’s hurt was gone.

Mission complete. But what to do next? His mind entertained reaching out to Elle. He vetoed the strong urge to do so. How about calling another ex from the rolodex of past (failed) flings? Ehhh, he rather not. What about going out with the fellas to hoe? Dom wasn’t feeling it. Instead, what he
felt (paws) was that he must be true to his belief to do things different. And having seen so many people in both he and Elle’s respective over-priced apartment complexes with dogs, Dom decided to purchase one for himself. Reaching out to his hoeing bro, John, Dom texted in a jocular manner, “bro, I’m about to go pick up a cute lil’ bitch dog.”

Waiting until he saw the three bubbles appear, which signaled John’s response, he followed up that, “it’s time for me to get a dog, man. Imma get a female one, too.” 😂😂😂 “I see you”, John’s txt read. “They do say a new puppy will get you all the ladies.” 4 hours and a PetSmart trip later, Dom covertly snuck his new bitch pup, Roo, into his apartment complex, her new home. He had to be covert because he refused to pay in this economy the outrageous pet fee of $600.

So, he concealed and contorted Roo’s body, new bed, and puppy food into a Whole Foods branded shopping tote. Later, Dom took Roo for her first trip around the ole block. Trusting his fellow minorities who work at the front desk, he informed them that Roo is his. But to the unfamiliar, therefore distrusted, who shared the elevator with him, and those who populated the dog park, Dom spun the tale that he is “dog sitting for a friend.” Roo’s celebrity was instant: women, mostly Caucasian, that Dom had seen in the building and around the neighborhood began to fawn over Roo.

“What’s her name?”; “She’s so adorable!”; “What is she?”; “She’s so cute!”; and “Can I hold her?” were repeated during Dom & Roo’s trip to the park. What wasn’t repeated, surprisingly, is the customary ignoring of Dom that these same ladies displayed on a daily basis.

See, without Roo linked to his hand by her retractable leash, these same women appeared to neither notice nor speak to Dom at all. It was as if he did not exist! And the next day, the same shit happened. Other women who previously ignored Dom began to fawn over his lil’ girl. Then, after experiencing a trifecta of women-who- ignored-now-show-attention-to-pup the next day, Dom began to connect dots. He texted his group chat (read: hoeing bros), “Man… if every minority purchased a pup, we’d solve race issues tomorrow. Non-minorities LOVE dogs, man.” Some jokes at the expense of PETA and Michael Vick followed. But instead of joining in the banter, Dom was curious as to whether a connection between the love of animals and fundraising existed. IT does.


And one night as he watched Roo sleep peacefully, he texted Elle, who is a policy attorney for a white-shoe firm in the city, “Hey, I know you are probably mad at me, but I wanted you to see my beautiful pup Roo. People love puppies…remember those people who live in my building that gave you a weird look when you were in the elevator up to my unit, those women now love me.”

True-blue to the unspoken rule to not text long paragraphs, Dom followed up with, “Did you know PETA makes $49 Ms per year? That shit is crazy. People donate to them religiously, what if the key to accessing the capital markets is to purchase or adopt a new puppy?


Elle did not respond…